Brian Keogh

Wow ok i havent written on this in a while..

its kinda weird though looking back on a few of my blog posts a few months back.. i was pure stressed out over the leavin cert lol

not coz i was stressed with with work, its just that the pressure was unreal.. even people who didnt think they were puttin pressure on me were.. a lot more then they realise... but

I GOT THRU IT!!!

Not only did i get thru it.. I'm now in college.. i passed everything and im doing Performing Arts..

Well.. im not at that sad place i was a few months ago.. im now just at the start of something.. im not quite sure what that something is but i do know that i am where i am supposed to be for the moment ..

I dont miss athlone at all.. lol

Well i miss a few people but that is a small handful..

But im still missing some others that i will always miss..

Thinking a lot about Brian this week.. He never got to experience going to college or finishing the leaving .. Apart from Rag Week 06 with the famous bottle of aftershock.... lol.... but still.. im just finding it a bit difficult at the moment to think about him with out being sad, thinking of the life that could have been.. i miss his laugh.. it was so infectious..

i miss fighting with him.. we fought like knackers at times.. but i still loved him to bits... still do

It's still a bit of a taboo in the group.. (well whats left of the group) .. we dont talk bout him.. and i genuinely don't know if its because its too hard for some or if others have forgotten him.. i don't want to forget him.. i know i wont .. he was important.. he was Brian Keogh of Taughmaconnell, always smiling, always up to something.. i miss him much more than i let on..

Thank God For photos..

This is a photograph of Brian..

A still moment in time captureed forever..

You Are And Always Will Be Missed Bud

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the sayin really is true.....


you can't have your cake and eat it

no matter how nice it looks you can only look at it

because if you eat it... well then wat are you left with??

temporary satisfaction .. but sure that passes too..



and its not like you can just turn around and get more cake because if you do, you'll get sick of it eventually

and even if you dont get sick of it ... you'll just be simply sick



everyone's cake is different, some like chocolate, others like walnut... but some ones favourite can be an other person's allergy...


i like cake


im attempting to eat my cake.. but im taking it nibble by nibble

but eventually it'll run out and i'll be cakeless

it's come to a point where i can't just look at my cake anymore, ive looked at it for long enough

but can i be without it?



i dont understand why we can't eat our cake as well as have it


it was made to be eaten

but there will be nothing left when its gone... and there is simply just no other substitute for cake


you cant have an apple instead



WHO WANTS AN APPLE WHEN YOU'VE GOT CAKE???????????????


I don't...

i want my cake











grrr













stupid cake!!!!!

just stuff

i miss you.. i dont have all the answers

change..

these past few months ive been doing an awful lot of thinking and love, loss, regret and change have been mainly dominating my thoughts... and also this one little famous saying..

"school days are the best days of your life"

now before i start i'll just say, school days and events "CAN" be fun and enjoyable but whoever came up with that is some dumb moron who is totally missing the point and it makes me mad..
if school days are the best days then WHAT'S THE POINT IN THE REST...??????????
its no shocker that school doesnt hold fond memories for me.. yes i have some but not enough to make a bold strong statement saying they are/were the "BEST" days.. and i THANK GOD for that because i have a hope that there are better days ahead...BETTER DAYS AHEAD!!
get a life!

even though there are better days ahead, that also means change is going to take place..
change has already taken place in more ways than i'd like to acknowledge but i have to face the music sooner or later..
i look at me now... and..i look at me 2 years ago and it is sad to say that i hate the ways things have changed since then..
back then i was starting to become my own.. with space, care and freedom
my life, full with people who loved and cared for me..secure
i had no real worries, great set of friends, great youth leaders
back and forth to Galway to my two best friends there, every 2nd weekend

now...
i still have some good friends but ive lost quite a few which have left wounds that still aren't healing... lost through death, through arguments, through drifting away.. but lost all the same
im still becoming my own but i feel choked and suppressed
there is pressure on my coming from all angles to be a certain way, to act, think, feel, BE a certain way.. restrictions that are out of my control but ive lost sight of where it all went wrong..
i know it's not hopeless and i know the "better days" are coming and that "should" give comfort for the present but it doesnt.. it just seems to fade away like watching a car pull out in front of me on the road, on its way and i got left behind..
there is a longing in my heart for things to go back to the way they were but also an ache because i feel this way..

im open to change.. im just afraid of it, but the way things are now it can't be much scarier.. but i'm coming with open hands


"One more year's come and gone
And nothing's changed at all
Wasn't I supposed to be someone
Who can face the things that I've been running from

Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived, just a little" - Bethany Joy Lenz