Brian Keogh

Wow ok i havent written on this in a while..

its kinda weird though looking back on a few of my blog posts a few months back.. i was pure stressed out over the leavin cert lol

not coz i was stressed with with work, its just that the pressure was unreal.. even people who didnt think they were puttin pressure on me were.. a lot more then they realise... but

I GOT THRU IT!!!

Not only did i get thru it.. I'm now in college.. i passed everything and im doing Performing Arts..

Well.. im not at that sad place i was a few months ago.. im now just at the start of something.. im not quite sure what that something is but i do know that i am where i am supposed to be for the moment ..

I dont miss athlone at all.. lol

Well i miss a few people but that is a small handful..

But im still missing some others that i will always miss..

Thinking a lot about Brian this week.. He never got to experience going to college or finishing the leaving .. Apart from Rag Week 06 with the famous bottle of aftershock.... lol.... but still.. im just finding it a bit difficult at the moment to think about him with out being sad, thinking of the life that could have been.. i miss his laugh.. it was so infectious..

i miss fighting with him.. we fought like knackers at times.. but i still loved him to bits... still do

It's still a bit of a taboo in the group.. (well whats left of the group) .. we dont talk bout him.. and i genuinely don't know if its because its too hard for some or if others have forgotten him.. i don't want to forget him.. i know i wont .. he was important.. he was Brian Keogh of Taughmaconnell, always smiling, always up to something.. i miss him much more than i let on..

Thank God For photos..

This is a photograph of Brian..

A still moment in time captureed forever..

You Are And Always Will Be Missed Bud

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the sayin really is true.....


you can't have your cake and eat it

no matter how nice it looks you can only look at it

because if you eat it... well then wat are you left with??

temporary satisfaction .. but sure that passes too..



and its not like you can just turn around and get more cake because if you do, you'll get sick of it eventually

and even if you dont get sick of it ... you'll just be simply sick



everyone's cake is different, some like chocolate, others like walnut... but some ones favourite can be an other person's allergy...


i like cake


im attempting to eat my cake.. but im taking it nibble by nibble

but eventually it'll run out and i'll be cakeless

it's come to a point where i can't just look at my cake anymore, ive looked at it for long enough

but can i be without it?



i dont understand why we can't eat our cake as well as have it


it was made to be eaten

but there will be nothing left when its gone... and there is simply just no other substitute for cake


you cant have an apple instead



WHO WANTS AN APPLE WHEN YOU'VE GOT CAKE???????????????


I don't...

i want my cake











grrr













stupid cake!!!!!

just stuff

i miss you.. i dont have all the answers

change..

these past few months ive been doing an awful lot of thinking and love, loss, regret and change have been mainly dominating my thoughts... and also this one little famous saying..

"school days are the best days of your life"

now before i start i'll just say, school days and events "CAN" be fun and enjoyable but whoever came up with that is some dumb moron who is totally missing the point and it makes me mad..
if school days are the best days then WHAT'S THE POINT IN THE REST...??????????
its no shocker that school doesnt hold fond memories for me.. yes i have some but not enough to make a bold strong statement saying they are/were the "BEST" days.. and i THANK GOD for that because i have a hope that there are better days ahead...BETTER DAYS AHEAD!!
get a life!

even though there are better days ahead, that also means change is going to take place..
change has already taken place in more ways than i'd like to acknowledge but i have to face the music sooner or later..
i look at me now... and..i look at me 2 years ago and it is sad to say that i hate the ways things have changed since then..
back then i was starting to become my own.. with space, care and freedom
my life, full with people who loved and cared for me..secure
i had no real worries, great set of friends, great youth leaders
back and forth to Galway to my two best friends there, every 2nd weekend

now...
i still have some good friends but ive lost quite a few which have left wounds that still aren't healing... lost through death, through arguments, through drifting away.. but lost all the same
im still becoming my own but i feel choked and suppressed
there is pressure on my coming from all angles to be a certain way, to act, think, feel, BE a certain way.. restrictions that are out of my control but ive lost sight of where it all went wrong..
i know it's not hopeless and i know the "better days" are coming and that "should" give comfort for the present but it doesnt.. it just seems to fade away like watching a car pull out in front of me on the road, on its way and i got left behind..
there is a longing in my heart for things to go back to the way they were but also an ache because i feel this way..

im open to change.. im just afraid of it, but the way things are now it can't be much scarier.. but i'm coming with open hands


"One more year's come and gone
And nothing's changed at all
Wasn't I supposed to be someone
Who can face the things that I've been running from

Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived, just a little" - Bethany Joy Lenz

just stuff

ok so i'm in my leaving cert year ( bout time i know) .. and i know im not the only one who is confused about "the rest of one's life"
but why is that "defined" by going to college.. or finishing school..
people always asssume that the best things to do is go to college after school but that isnt always the case.. im not saying its a bad thing but its not ALWAYS THE BEST THING!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont want to be another typical person who is pressured into college not knowing what i want to do so ... uh... i just pick arts for the sake of doing something???

********disclaimer******** - if arts is what you want then thats great but for the majority its not
so no offence if your doin arts

im sick of other people deciding whats best for me.. let me make my own decisions.. let me make my own mistakes and let me be me..

i know for the most part , your parents have your best interests at heart but NEWSFLASH!!!!! just because their your parents, that doesnt give them some superpower over you that never lets them be wrong...PARENTS DONT ALWAYS GET IT RIGHT... and it is quite possible that i am capable of making my life decisions on my own and not being wrong..

and besides... college is like a fountain of knowledge- and the students are just there to drink!!!

lewis carroll once said "If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there"

and i just could not care less anyore about what road other people want me to take.. let them take it themselves coz im goin my own route..

im going to define my own happiness for me and if that includes college then great but if it doesnt than that is just as great because it is not the be all and end all of everything..

i have a dream that hasnt died yet or been crushed by people who have no life and that dream is certainly within my reach and i dont need people in my life who want to distract me from it or poison it..
“The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.” - Chuck Palahniuk

so ya know what?. although the light from my candle may have dimmed recently it will shine so bright im gonna leave you with cataracts!

"Halo"

I never promised you a ray of light,

I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,

I give you everything I have, the good, the bad.

Why do you put me on a pedestal,

I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,

So help me down you've got it wrong,

I don't belong there.

One thing is clear,

I wear a halo,

I wear a halo when you look at me,

But standing from here,

you wouldn't say so

you wouldn't say so, if you were me

And I, I just wanna love you,

Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

I always said that I would make mistakes,

I'm only human, and that’s my saving grace,

I fall as hard as I try

So don't be blinded

See me as I really am,

I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,

so pull me from that pedestal,

I don't belong there.

One thing is clear,

I wear a halo,

I wear a halo when you look at me,

But standing from here,

you wouldn't say so

you wouldn't say so, if you were me

And I, I just wanna love you,

Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Why you think that you know me

But In your eyes I am something above you

It’s only in your mind

Only in your mind I wear a I wear a I wear a Halo

just stuff

ok so this next post is kinda all over the place but at the moment so is my life so hey.. what harm?

this picture says so much..yet not enough.. hurt, pain, tears but no words.. you have to figure it out yourself.. like so much in life already.. it's a pity that we werent given a manual at the start of life to say this is how you are supposed to approach the world, your life, your relationships.. but even if we were only a few of us would actually read it..

i've been dwelling alot on the past, missed opportunities, purpose, loss and loved ones recently and seeing as i am currently sick i dont have much to do except, think.. (and watch one tree hill of course)... Speaking of One Tree Hill, who thought it could be so inspirational or well at least thought provking.. Chad Micheal Murray aka Lucas Scott quoted Socrates (470 BC- 399 BC) the famous Greek philosopher saying..

“Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it.”

i know my hearts desire and it is something i strive for everyday and if im honest, if i got it i wouldnt know what to do with it... not to get my heart's desire is one thing but to have it taken away?? dunno if i could handle it..

im tired of being the stong one.. im tired of "dealing" with things all the time. im tired, of always settling for something instead of getting THEE thing..

is it too much to ask for happiness? and/or if we get it, all we can do is count... count how long it takes to be taken away from us... how do we rebel? CAN we rebel?

Socrates says life contains but two tragedies but im asking does life contain happiness? or are we living in a messed up fairy tale that never ends.. so that none of us get happy ever after?

is there ever "right without the wrong"?

or "truth without the lies"?

"one without the other?"

William Morris (1834-1896) once said "Love is enough"

The Beatles sang "All You Need is Love"...

at the and of the day is love enough for you to be ok? love from a parent , love from a friend, love from God, love from "your other half"..

is it enough?

"There is only one real tragedy in a womans life. The fact that her past is always her lover, and her future invariably her husband" - Oscar Wilde

the tragedy is there are no any guarentees in this life, nothing you can truly trust.. especially love.